Enter My Ruckus

Da Ruckus
Welp, here we are ending the second month in the year already (time flys don't it?) and I'm doing some personal evaluations. Pretty much because I'm getting older and I look back and reflect on alot. It helps me see where I'm going, yanno?

I've accomplished quite a few goals within my '5 year plan', but of course I fell short a few. So because of that I'm trying to change my attitude on alot of things. My intention is to keep my view and my individualism, but to do it with tact is my goal. My honesty is brutal sometimes and because of that I get all types of reactions. But mostly because somethings just don't turn out as well as you'd like them to. How I react in those situations and the people I deal with is gonna be my task for the next year. Sometimes, people can bring you down. Hell alot of times, if you allow that. So no negativity nor bad vibes in my 'Chi'. lol

Thats a wrap..

Sassykats Ruckus
I had an epiphany today. I didn't even see it all coming but it did and I realized and made up my mind on quite a few of life's many little issues. Wow. This has got to be part of getting eh em..older..not that I'm old but um I guess you can say I'm maturing and my views are changing.

Tomorrow starts a brand new day and a brand new way of life. Things are finally starting to look better to me and I'm so excited to see how all things will turn out. My beau redeemed himself and we got to spend some quality time together. He surprised me too, I guess he felt all that typing I did the other day or sensed I was none too pleased with recent events. But he is out of the doghouse now so its on. LOL

I got to spend some time with my 'little ones' too. Children are so funny and straightforward when they say things its hilarious sometimes.

Besides the mudslides in Cali, the earthquakes in Iran, the security level here and the economy all crazy this year should bring alot of much awaited satisfaction. Hopefully. Other than all that my thoughts are recessed. I'm back in trill mode, so I guess thats a wrap..

Sassykats Ruckus
Boy oh boy. Another year winding down, time is passing by so quickly nowadays. I'm enjoying my time off work although my plans have been altered AGAIN, without my knowledge. I really had no complaints until about a couple of hours ago. And instead of 'wylin out' or 'blowin up the spot like Osama' as my beau calls it when I voice my strong opinion, I decided to log into my weblog and record the shit that I have on my mind. So let me start from the top...

I've been 'involved' if you can call it that with this dude for the past few months or so. Its a long distance relationship so needless to say, its just that. I don't see him much, if at all. Now granted he works crazy hours on top of going to school and I work constantly both at the job and then at home with my son, but so what? If you're involved with someone, don't you reach some sort of point where that someone ranks somewhat of an importance to you? Hmmm. I can't even call it. He is seemingly way too busy to make time for me and I'm not the least bit amused by his performance and the fact that I'm just not important enough to make time for.

This is the third time we've made some sort of plans and he's decided to alter them before consulting with me first. Instead of me getting a call like, hey look um..I wanna tell you that I'm changing my time or date for whatever we've got planned so what you think about that? its usually me getting a call like, when are You gonna do such and such because I'm gonna do something else... :| This shit is so bogus I could spit in his face...literally.

I mean sometimes a girl just wants to know that you think enough of her to not postpone or raincheck a date, ESPECIALLY when you don't see her everyday anyway. And when it happens continuously thru no fault of her own that she can possibly see, it starts the questions to form. Who are you spending your time with if its not with me? Damn, you couldn't holla at me and get my thoughts on the situation before you finalized the plans? I mean you did make the plans with me, its only right you holla at me first before making the alteration, right? Why do you keep doing this anyway? Do you enjoy just talking on the phone like we're still in high school or are you actually trying to build something solid out of this shit? I mean really...WHATS THE DAYUM DEAL??? ...Well I'm wondering, but I don't seem to be getting any answers. And eye be dayum if I voice my opinion, to him. You trippin' shawty is usually what I get in return. That shit is really getting old...

What bothers me about this arrangement isn't the distance. I've had long distanced relationships that were more than constructive. Enough to cause re-locations and future plans of marriage...NOT saying I'm trying to go there with this gentleman, but who knows. If he acted halfway decent about the entire situation, no telling what I'd be willing to consider. However, I'm starting to feel burnt out. Or more like when I think about him, it, 'us', What the fuck??? usually follows the thought. Yanno? I don't get it.. pretty much sums it up.

Usually, peeps that know the ME know I'm a stickler for keeping your word, sticking to plans...you know that sort of thing that builds trust and reliance in any relationship. It really kills me that he either hasn't taken the time to consider that or just doesn't care to consider what I like and dislike. Dayum.

If I voice my opinion, he says I'm 'blowin up the spot' unnecessarily. If I don't say anything, he is wondering why. ????? Somebody give him a clue? I mean really... If you've been reading my logs, you'd know I at least TRIED to give him a chance. You know...the entry where I said I didn't know where I wanted to go with dude, but I was ready to go, he has potential blase blah. Or some shit to that effect...trace back dammit. All I'm saying now is my patience is thin now. I guess 'cause I've been putting up with this bullshit for a matter of months now. Pushing other guys to the sideline because of my interest in him, and he can't seem to realize how much effort I'm putting into this 'thing'. Usually, thats not even an option. Shit I'm not married I can do what the fuck I want with whomever if I so choose, but I'm even surprising myself being all nice and shit. Ugh. I'm a fighter and usually thats what I do but the older I get the less patience I have for blatant inconsistency, lack of cause and effect, inconsideration, umm bullshit...shall I go on???

With each year I do new things, or go new places, meet new people, accomplish new goals, whatever. And the people in my life are included in all that, but I'm ending my year like this??? I've mentally evicted quite a few people this year. No patience, or time really for the games. I don't want him to be the next victim of eviction, really, but I mean, you're either a blessing or a hindrance. And if you're constantly bringing me down, bullshittin me, pissing me off, or just pissing on me, I can't fuck with you. I don't need anything or body holding me back because I've got too far to go. I thought dude had some potential, I don't even understand this shit. Dammit I can't even think. Thats a wrap..

Sassykats Ruckus
The first day back after Thanksgiving and we all received a good chewing out way before 12 noon today. Wow. Its days like this I feel like leaving work, saying goodnight and never returning but thanks to Bush...I can't afford to do that. Like most people. So my turkey day was just 'OK' being that I had a wisdom tooth surgically removed, but the time off from work did me just fine. Yanno? If thats not bad enough, I'm suddenly feeling the need to be inspector Rah on a case of a scorned ex-boyfriend.

I've been approached by a mutual friend (with whom I can honestly say we last said goodbyes exchanging 'Fuck yous') who all of a sudden has some sort of romantic interest in me. Huh? I mean dude is basically laying the $hit on thick like peanut butter and I'm sitting back crossing my bowlegs wondering, WTF? And then I voice my WTF? and dude is basically shovelling more shit in my direction. Pretty much making my outlook on the situation a skeptical one.

The first thing this ex-friend-wanna-be-boo-all-of-a-sudden did when we spoke, was ask me about the 'ex-boyfriend'. Come on now, but my reaction? Well if you know me, you already know what I would post... However, I just observed the situation because dude is only certain to fuck up before its all over with. Situations like this one just make me wonder, why men are more bitch than me. I mean I always thought it was the man that was supposed to be the strong silent individual and the woman was supposed to be the cackling coup hen gossiping and creating drama wherever and whenever possible. But in this case its the other way around and I can't for the life of me figure out how that happened. LOL

Anyways, life is good and love makes it all sweeter. The older I get the more I appreciate the little things in life. And the petty shit makes me appreciate the realness in any relationship or person I encounter. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff and I'm just beginning to live so I guess what I'm saying is...I'm mentally evicting people. If you're not constructive, positive, or concerned with my well-being...SCRAM. And I do not intend to entertain not even a minute of thought on you. Sounds harsh I know. But so what. Thats a wrap.

Shout outs to the Coca-cola man at work. He is always on time.